Hello to all
The other day this topic came back up between me and butterfly.Now before I go any further I want to set the stage so you see my point on this.
I have for long as I can remember felt that I am poly. I don't feel that this feeling comes from a fantasy or the mind set of being greedy or unhappy with butterfly nor do I feel that it matters what other alt. lifestyle you happen to be in.
I cant really explain the how or why I feel this way to where anyone else could understand unless your of the poly mind set sorta speak.
She has known from the start I feel I am poly and the topic has came up several times since we have been together.
Now the other day butterfly posted a blog about poly/swinging and that got me to really doing some thinking about what the real differances are between the two.
I think in some ways that people even myself have long associated the two as being one or the same. When in reality they are not the same(in my opinion).
I see poly as being able to love two or more and them love me and each other as equals not as top or bottom or side.
Now swinging that to me is a whole different world. You don't need love,compassion,caring,etc etc. You just need others who want to have sex.(in my opinion)
For a long time I think I came off as relating swinging/poly as one in some when the topics came up in our conversations.
But they aren't and the more I think back on our talks I can see clearly where I have made a real mess of the two. For those who are in or wanting a poly relationship I owe you an apology for not making myself clear to my butterfly.
Now I am honest enough to say yes I would enjoy seeing butterfly with another woman(hey folks i am human) and I realize that is a fantasy and one day maybe I will?
But as far as us living a poly lifestyle? I would like to try it and see if it could would work out for us.(butterfly knows this no secret there) I realize the amount of time and effort it takes or I say I do.
My next big step is to add a few blogger's to my page and follow their day in day out lifestyles and see what all similarities we have in common.Maybe learn more about why I feel I am poly minded?
I would like to meet some couples in real time and be able to ask questions about why/what was their attraction to the poly lifestyle? I have my own ideas why.But like I have said I want to talk to others who are in a poly relationship and concur my ideas and beliefs are true feeling not just fantasy's.
As I have expressed here I feel that a man or a woman can love more than one and be with more than one without jealously or fear of being replaced.That any two people can love a third. Is this true? Or is this just a fantasy? that only exist in the minds of others?I believe it to be true that three can love,live and be happy together.
When you really stop and think about it there are some many lifestyles that in some ways over lap one another so it is hard sometimes to see a clear image of what is what. This is why I thought this topic might be interesting to post here so that not only I get a more clear understanding but others may as well.
This topic is in no shape,form or fashion trying to say I am unhappy with butterfly.She is a wonderful slave to me and I would not dream of sending her away just to own anouther.I am who I am and with more time and learning I can convy my thoughts better to her with out making such a mess of things.
I welcome any and all to comment on this topic.
Master JB
Decency
3 years ago
For years I thought poly and swinging were the same thing too and talked about them using those words interchangibly. Then I learned that poly was more like an extended family of loving partners and swinging was just about sex with no attachments. Whoops, big difference. lol I do think one person can love two people at the same time, people have been involved in "love triangles" since the dawn of time and I often wonder how poly families work out the jealousy issue too because there has to be one, at least in the beginning. I'm sure somewhere out there are poly families that couldn't be happier with their arrangment, I couldn't do it because I think it would bring too much of my competitive side out, but those that it works for I think it's great.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very interesting post. I recently have had this discussion with a few of my friends. I don't call myself poly, but I have been living that lifestyle for a few months. One of my lovers wants me to do couples swinging with him. I'm just not sure I want to do this. I can't see having sex with people I don't know or have just met once. Sex is much better with an emotional connection-- even if the connection is friendship. (I've had a very close friends-with-benefits relationship with another man, who is poly, for three months now.)
ReplyDeleteI have several friends who are poly, and there is a local poly group that gets together. In a way, it's like a spouse-swapping club with a few single people to mix things up. One of my friends seems to have sex with anyone-- regardless of whether there is any connection beyond acquaintance. To me, this is just f- -king around, and I have challenged him (in a friendly way) about looking for quality instead of quantity in his relations.
So, where am I going with this rambling? I don't know. Swinging sex with strangers-- I'm not into it. Threesomes or foursomes with friends/lovers-- sure. It's something I'd like to try. Multiple lovers-- this is fun currently; each one is different, and I enjoy them. Do I still have a dream about monogamy with the right person? Yes. But the more I am exposed to polyamory, but more I wonder if this is realistic.
Hello Ariel
ReplyDeletethanks for adding your ideas to this post.I hope more will weigh in on this topic.
Master JB
Hello Pammie
ReplyDeleteThanks for stoping by and commenting.I hope as time goes on others will stop and keep adding their wisdom to this topic.
Master JB
I have long identified as Poly, but started questioning myself when I associated with other poly people and heard the various definitions for the plethora of ways you can be open to more than one. After a while, I decided that definitions and labels were way too limiting for me in yet another realm.
ReplyDeleteAs a complex human, I can happily pair bond with another person. I can do the typical falling in love, head over heels, googly eyed for them. At the same time, I could be open to having a casual sexual affair with someone without them, or with them. I could casually date other people, and possibly fall in love with them. I could screw with no thought for anything but a night with one or more partners.
In the monogamy world, no one questions a person's ability to BE monogamous just because they are casually dating and/or screwing a few people. They are just "shopping around" for their mate. It confused me that it was looked down on in the poly community. "That's just swinging", it's said.
Also, depending on who I'm involved with, the boundaries and potential can change. Add on a layer of kink and control, and things can get even more confusing.
So I suppose I will change my label to lovingly non-monogamous. I can love, I can lust, I can be committed and loyal, I can be casual and a free spirit. I can do all these things at the same time.
So, for me, I think the label is less important than figuring out, with whoever you're involved with, just what things sound good or scary or yucky and such to you. With that said, though, there's always the potential that something comes along that you weren't expecting, weren't looking for, but turns into a deliciously cozy fit for everyone.
So it's good to talk talk talk it out, but merely saying "I'm poly" and expecting any other person to define it the same way you do is unlikely. Discuss what flavors you like. What scenarios are appealing. And always care for what you already have.